I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
