one might say we're banned from that church
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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