Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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