Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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