his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
