I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
that's an acceptable place to lick
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
