I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
