that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
