I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
