the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We talked him into tasing himself.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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