no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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