that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
