So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
