But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
