How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
