you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
