I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
