bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
