i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
