so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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