maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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