i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
