Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
