he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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