we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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