Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
