Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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