so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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