he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
