6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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