I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
