That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
His hands were made for my vagina.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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