The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
