so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
