Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
