I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
