My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
