she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
