I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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