I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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