when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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