Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
