dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
