ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
