guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
