you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
