If that was your dad, he is hot
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
