I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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