I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
