yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
